Nordicville
by ExtraPenguin
Summary: The Nordic family spending time together. Gift fic for VisayanSea.


This is my gift fic for VisayanSea (why do I keep referring to you as Liechtenstein in my head? o.o) for being my first reviewer on chapter five of Swiss Crack.

Oh, and I'll be going to Ireland for the next week, don't expect me back 'till Friday.

* * *

"Heyy guyys, time to have some Nordic-on-Nordic bonding time!" Denmark shouted, barging into the room.

"W't d' y' m'n?"

"What I mean", Denmark said, locked the door, then continued, "is this!"

"Hey! I was going to use that door to make fuses for my Molotov's cocktails!" Finland exclaimed, gesturing at the glass bottles he'd piled up on the floor.

"What do you need so many Molotov cocktails for?" Iceland asked, curious.

"I'm going to reclaim Karjala."

"Karelia", Norway tried to correct.

"Karjala in Finnish, which just _happens_ to be the language spoken there."

Sensing a never-ending argument, Sweden asked, "F'l'nd?"

"For the three- Oh. Sorry. Please continue."

"Wh' d'dn't y' t'll 's 'b't L'tv'a?"

"Belarus decided to tell me by letter in 1954. It arrived in the 1990's."

"Which country had the crappy postal system?"

"From what I can tell, it got stuck in Leningrad."

"HEYY GUYYS, I HAVE VODKA!"

Finland jumped out of his seat, shouting "What? Where? Gimme!"

"Onii-chan has it!"

"We're mature adults now! Stop calling me onii-chan!"

"Could you please give me some bottles of vodka, onii-chan?"

Norway sighed. Svalbard twitched.

"Karelia" was his final reply to Finland's request.

"Karjala!"

"Karelia."

"Karjala", Finland said with an evil grin. Norway was about to reply (anything to stop being called onii-chan) when his eardrums almost burst from the metal music that started playing. Finland had somehow managed to pull out a pair of ear protectors and started cackling, then yelled, "BEHOLD THE POWER OF NIGHTWISH! _It's not the monsters under your bed, it's the man next door..._"

"Okay, okay, have it your way! Karjala! Karjala!"

The music was turned down to bearable levels. Finland said "I see you've finally come to your senses." There was a collective groan from the other Nordics.

Their groan was cut short by arguing from outside the door.

"I invoke my constitutional right to have your statement repeated in Swedish!"

"Ты дурак."

"I said _Swedish_, not _Russian._"

"Is there a significant difference between the oppressors? Russia gave us autonomy? Ooh, _that's_ why you hate Russia so much! He didn't believe in mindless oppression?"

Finland marched to the door and pulled it open. "Ahvenanmaa ja Karjala, älkää riidelkö."

"Say that in Swedish!"

"Sweden!"

"Y's m' w'f?"

"How do you say 'Don't argue' in Swedish?"

"Bråka inte."

"Åland i Karelia, brocka intte."

"Åland _in_ Karelia?"

"Åland ock Karelia. Sorry. Oh, and Svi?"

"Ja?"

"For the three billionth, seven hundred thousand and forty-nine millionth, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousandth, five hundred and ninety-fourth time, _I am not your wife!_"

"You don't respect my native tongue!"

"You don't respect the majority tongue!"

"_Alandskie ostrova i Karelii, ne spor'te. Molchi._"

"Hey, Russified Nordic, come here! _Vodka!_"

"Alcohol! Koskenkorva! Jee!"

"Mmph! Gedoff!"

"Karelia, why do you look a bit like Switzerland?"

"Karjala!"

"Karjala then."

"I have no control over my appearance."

"Do not worry, the Hero has arrived!"

Everyone turned to stare at America, who'd just turned up.

"I... I heard some yelling... I thought it might be a job for a hero..."

"With these people, it's not a family meeting unless Iceland ends up in a SS uniform, Norway gets piss drunk and launches a one-man performance of Hamlet, Denmark strips and runs around town naked, Sweden starts making the moves on a beer glass and Finland blows up a Russian embassy", Åland informed him.

"THAT WAS JUST THAT ONE TIME!" came the chorus of Nordics exactly one millisecond later. "Th'gh F'nl'nd 's got a h'b't 'f bl'w'ng'p R'sh'n 'mb'ssies wh'n dr'nk", Sweden admitted.

"And Norway really likes Hamlet", Denmark added.

"Svi's got a thing for beer glasses", Finland continued.

"Denmark _really_ likes stripping", Iceland duly noted.

"And Ice looks sexy in black", Norway concluded.

"Black does not equal SS uniform!"

"I bet he wears it to get attention from the ladies. _Especially_ a certain blonde with an overprotective brother..."

"I don't even _own_ a SS uniform!"

"You borrow Finland's. Speaking of which, why _do_ you have six SS uniforms in your attic?"

"Eh, Germany sent them back in the forties. I intended to make blackout curtains of them but... Forgot..."

Karelia coughed.

"Oh, sorry, got to go, I have to liberate my youngest sister- er, broth- no, sibling. See you later!"

With that, Finland and Karelia ran off, Molotov cocktails under their arms.

"Is your family really that insane?" America asked.

"Always."

* * *

The Nightwish song that's playing is Dead to the World.

Svalbard is an island off Norway.

Leningrad is the previous name of St. Petersburg in Russia.

Finland says Molotov**'s** cocktails because in Finnish, it's Molotov**in** cocktail (/koktail), and he invented the name.

Ты дурак = You're an idiot.

"_Alandskie ostrova i Karelii, ne spor'te. Molchi._" = Åland and Karelia, don't argue. Be quiet.

Koskenkorva = a Finnish vodka.

Apart from the Finnish, I am at the mercy of Google Translate.


End file.
